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Pagan Standard Time

Pagan Standard Time is a trait peculiar to Pagans, and ranges in length from being late for a Circle, to not showing up at all. A Pagan who is less than two hours late is considered "on time" just like the Long Island Railroad.

With nearly a million Pagans in the United States, and twice as many in the rest of the world, we believe it's high time a clock was designed which would show time the way Pagans are used to seeing it. And so, this proposal from the Witches' Annual editors for:


It has these special features:

  1. The seconds hand is eliminated, since no Pagan works on THAT tight a schedule.
  2. Pagan Standard Time is measured by an extra hand, which moves at about half the speed of the hours hand.
  3. There are 13 hours on the dial, thus making two exta hours in the day for Pagans who are always too busy to do anything.
  4. Hours 5 through 8 have been eliminated, since any Pagan at that time is a) alseep, b) just getting to sleep, c) just waking up, d) too busy, or e) unavailable.
  5. To be sure that a Circle will begin on the stroke of Midnight, there are two extra Midnight hours.
  6. For Pagans who begin Circles at 9 o'clock, there are two extra ninth hours. Also two extra tenth hours for late arrivals.
  7. Since there is no eleventh hour, there is no need for the Pagan to rush. There are no deadlines to meet, there is no "last chance," and the consistent goof-off will never have to face the music.

A decorator model of the Pagan Standard Time Clock, mounted in a genuine Giant Land Snail shell, will be available as soon as we get around to it.


from the Witches' Annual, published by Arcane Crafts, Box 383, Mastic Beach New York,11951


 

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